Having an Adult on the Spectrum

J.Webb 2018

       Contrary to popular belief, you don't outgrow autism. Now, I'm not saying that some of the mannerisms and idiosyncrasies don't diminish or change, because they do, sort of. Drake (at almost 19) still paces and shakes his hands and he prefers his electronic devices to interactions with people (for the most part). Drake still loves Legos and Disney movies, and video games. Some of his tastes have changed and he loves web comics and YouTube and anime too. He still refuses to eat potatoes specifically, but will eat most things I make for dinner. Drake still doesn't like loud places or bright lights (transition lenses sure help and he doesn't go very far without headphones either) Drake is attending community college with his peers and asked to take classes on campus this semester (he took online classes last semester). Drake is little boy in so many ways, trying to navigate around adult life in this big man's body. It's been interesting, to say the least.

Growing up.

     Drake with his love of kitty shirts and crazy mismatched socks, roams the neighborhood frequently walking (pacing with a purpose, mostly) through the paths that cross in and out of the park and find their way to the sidewalk. This is where he can walk to Basha's and get a doughnut and a soda (or mac n' cheese from the deli) and sit in the courtyard seating area before wandering home. It's a little bit of independence that we can give him. I'm not sure how much he interacts with others while he's there, but our neighborhood is full of senior citizens and most just smile as he talks Drake.

     Drake, as of now, has no desire to learn how to drive. He has the ability to learn, he just doesn't want to and this is fine for now. Drake has a sister who is just 16 months younger than him and a year behind him in school and for now, drives him to class in the morning before going to school herself. My husband and I take turns picking him up when he's done and it seems to have worked out just fine. Eventually, we would like to relocate as a family to someplace where there is a better access to public transit (we live in the burbs now) and this should help later on.


     Drake wore a quarter-sized hole in his flip flops recently and never even said a word. I found them and trashed them immediately, shaking my head in disbelief. I shouldn't have been surprised though, it was typical Drake. He wears things until they no longer fit and are threadbare. He complains when he needs to get new ones (although, not as much as he used to). He has to be reminded to wash his hair really good and to shave scraggly chin hairs and to put ointment on his eczema (he over-washes his hands). He is scary while chopping something with a knife (he still has a fine-motor issue), but can make himself grilled cheese and heat things up in the microwave with ease. 


So, what now?

    Think of an eleven or twelve year old kid, in an adult man's body and this is Drake. He still has his favorite stuffed animals (and gets sad when his baby sister steals them) and has an affinity for Pikachu, but can stay at home by himself and be fine. Drake watches YouTube instead of homework sometimes and will stay curled up in his bed all day, unless we insist he interacts with us (or if mom is cooking, ha-ha). Drake's younger brother gets frustrated with him mostly when they are supposed to be cleaning up their shared room and he isn't contributing. Imagine having an older brother who is supposed to be guiding the way, but who you have surpassed in maturity. Drake's little brother has always had Drake for a brother and when they were small, Drake was still the older brother. It's very different now though, little brother is 15 now and is finding his way through the world and big brother is still moving forward, but very, very slowly. Drake's younger sister on the other hand, has always been the more mature one of them and is infinitely patient with him. The dynamic has shifted in the last couple of years and I can only hope that little brother can come to terms with it.

   
     Drake will probably live with us for a very long time and this is okay. We have some plans to relocate and will seek out a place to live to give Drake a little more independence with a space of his own. This way he'll be right with us when he needs help, but can learn to live independently eventually. Drake is working towards a degree database management with plans to transfer to university and seems to be very interested in the field as a whole. Drake is as involved with his religious practices as he wants to be (he's fairly selective in what he chooses to participate in) and seems to enjoy to having a place to belong.


     I had someone ask me once if it was "difficult" having a kid like Drake. The answer is no. If Drake were neuro-typical, he wouldn't be Drake. Drake, with his goofy grin and his mismatched socks and his constant "would you rather?" questions. Drake with his Pikachu backpack and his pacing through the house. Drake with his always willing to help when asked (even if he doesn't know how) and annoyance with Mom calling him "baby" (because they are all my babies, even the big ones). "Ich einen, Man!" (or something like that) he'll shout in German when I insist that he's still my baby. By the way, he's taken about 6 years of German now and it's fun to him speak it, even if he's just asking for another cookie. I have never wanted anything for Drake, other than for him to be happy with himself. He's working toward bettering himself and we're here to support him and give him the ability to reach his goals. I sure love my #drakedrakethegreat.

18 years and counting

 If I pause to think about it, maybe its's a little ironic that Autism awareness month happens to be the month that my sweet boy was born. In all honesty though, I probably don't care. I just love Drake and he just happens to have Asperger's Syndrome. It shapes who he is and how he interacts with the world around him, but it does not define him. To me he is himself and he's perfectly happy to be just that. Drake, Drake the Great.




I had Drake when I was 21 years old, my first child and I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. He was born 3 weeks early after an emergency C-section because he was breech. Obviously that fact he was entering the world upside down was not going to faze him, he was ready to go!

Drake was bright and alert from the time he was born and very curious about the world around him. He walked at 15 months, was speaking by 2 and could count to at least 20 and knew his alphabet by 2 and a half. Drake preferred his educational toys to play with and would line his cars up in long lines around the room. He preferred to play by himself and loved M&M's. He got upset when he had to disrupt what he was doing and we learned to give him verbal warnings when we had to do something else.

Drake was a generally happy child with many smiles and hugs for Grandmas. He chattered constantly and made up stories and complex games for his siblings to play. Drake had a speech impediment and Mom and Dad could understand him just fine, but nobody else could. Drake attended speech services through the school district though 9th grade. Drake has lateral lisp which is hard to correct completely and if you listen closely you can hear it, but it's not really noticeable.

 Drake learned to read by 4, but did not learn to tie his shoes until he was 8. Drake did not look at you when he was spoken to and I remember telling him, "Drakee look at me, so I can talk to you". Drake's "look at me" face is this one here to the right. LOL

Drake developed some interesting "ticks" and they ranged from lip biting, to finger flicking (enough to develop callouses), to face wiping (he would have large red swaths across his face), to pacing, and hand shaking (which he still does to this day).

Drake would have meltdowns frequently and would dissolve into a screaming/crying/kicking puddle and I remember holding him down and tight in a ball until he could calm down. He enjoyed school, but didn't really have any friends preferring teachers and adults as company instead. He talked about nonsensical and made up things mostly and rarely answered questions directly. He never complained about shoes that were too small or having an earache and not feeling well.
He hated bright sun and loud noises. He didn't like daycare very much
mostly because it was loud a lot.

 By the time Drake reached 4th grade and the classroom dynamic changed, it was becoming obvious to the school that something was very different about Drake. He refused to listen to the book being read aloud, he was fidgety and disorganized and drove his teacher nuts. The district tested him and came up with a A.D.H.D. diagnosis and requested to have him medicated. Grandma had been reading up on Asperger's Syndrome and suggested we have him evaluated. Drake was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and moderate A.D.H.D. Suddenly, all his little quirks made sense. As I was filling out the evaluation paperwork, I couldn't believe how much sense it was making and everything I scolded him for, he couldn't help. I just had no idea.

 Enter a world of IEP's and administrator meetings and so many phone calls and teacher's conferences. Drake was placed with a great and understanding teacher for 5th grade and thrived. I worried so much when he entered Intermediate school, so many different classes to go to each day and his organizational skills not being the best, I was sure it was going to be a disaster. Except, it wasn't. The school had a great program for keeping the kids organized and he enjoyed only needing to sit in one place for so long before he could do something else. He lost his violin, but after giving his teacher a call and a heads up, we found it. He learned to walk himself almost a mile home and let himself in after school. He took music classes and cooking classes and even a shop class. Drake amazed me even with his limited fine motor skills and enjoyed it all.

Drake can read music and type fairly quickly and accurately. Drake loves to read non-fiction and classics too. Drake still loves Lego's to this day. Drake grew almost a foot from 7th grade to 10th. He also matured. I could ask him questions and get actual answers. He preferred his hair to be long and I obliged. He wanted to wear certain clothes and shoes and was happy in his own skin.

Drake today loves to hike and read web comics and listen to dub-step and video game music. Drake walks himself home a mile from school everyday and walks himself to the store to by donuts sometimes too. Drake wears exactly what he wants, even if it is a crazy cat shirt, plaid shorts, and mismatched socks (actually, that's kind of everyday). He has earned himself the title of "the kid with the socks" because of his love for crazy socks. Drake still prefers to stay home and doesn't hang out with anyone, but talks to kids at school all time (according to his sister). Drake has been taking classes concurrently through the community college since last year and has taken a total of 7 so far with plans to continue this fall.

 Drake still struggles with social cues and can say things that are very inappropriate at times, not realizing they are. Then again, he enjoys saying super inappropriate things to tease his siblings too. Sly boy, he is.

Drake is 18 today. I somehow managed to raise an adult not knowing what I was doing, but very much in love with this little boy I was given. Drake, you make your Mommy so very proud and I wouldn't want you any other way. Your love for life, even when it's kind of hard and easy comfort in your own skin, make me look up to you. I don't know what I ever did right, but I am so very glad you are mine. Drake, Drake you are the great. My great. My boy, Drake. 

 In case you missed Drake's feature on The Autism Site, here it is again:

http://theautismsite.greatergood.com/clickToGive/aut/story/drake-the-great403

This is Drake

This is Drake. Drake is 15 and funny and happy and a great kid. Drake is getting ready to start his sophomore year of highschool and is taking German and culinary arts and loves math with a passion. Drake can absorbs information like a sponge and can give you facts on almost any subject. Drake love Pokemon and Legos and taking lopsided pictures. Drake is a gaming extraordinaire and  is the first to beat whatever game his siblings and he are playing. Drake loves his family and is a total homebody. Drake loves stuffed animals and reading and teasing his step-dad and his little brother. Drake is an awesome, unique kid and Drake is on the spectrum. This is Drake.

Drake, Drake the Great!

I love Drake. Drake, despite all the things that are hard for him and the parts of the world that he doesn't understand, is a happy, unique, and wonderful human being. I never view him as a "problem" or "difficult" or even as a "challenge" and that is simply because of him. I am a better person because I was given Drake. I am infinitely more patient as a parent, I rarely yell or get frustrated, and I am his biggest advocate. I love Drake and thank God for entrusting him to me, to be his mother, his advocate, his lifelong friend.

I recently had the opportunity to spend some time in my hometown helping with an open house for a wedding and spent quite a bit of time talking to some people I know very well from my childhood. I explained that Drake has asperger's syndrome and how proud I was of him. They concluded that he was a difficult or trying and relayed a story about a grandchild (whose parents I grew up with) who they thought had aspergers at one time and was difficult. I have a great deal of respect for these people and didn't feel offended by their comments at all, but it did make me think. I don't view Drake as a challenge, he is simply Drake. It is who he is. He is extremely intelligent, but even though at 14 (and standing as tall as I am! Yikes!) he carries his bears around with him and wears chinchilla ears to school (and everywhere else) and challenges us with math problems and science questions, and quotes from every single movie or tv show he has every seen. He rarely answers questions directly and has to be reminded to move out of the way for people trying to get past. He has several ticks including hand shaking and pacing. I have to tell teachers and administrators that he isn't being disruptive on purpose. I have to ask specific questions if I want any answer at all and spend a great deal of time deciphering his needs and exactly what questions I need to ask.

In our world, there is not a thing wrong with Drake and that is the way it should be. I guess if you view your child as problematic and have a hard time dealing with them, then maybe it is you who needs to adjust your view. I can't yell, Drake would be crushed (and is every time I slip up). I have to explain what needs to be done and exactly how to do it when it comes to chores or small errands I have Drake do. He gets frustrated enough with his own inability and his sister who tends to take over. "I wanna do it!!", he'll yell and I have to intervene. She is just a year behind him and has gotten so used to "helping" that I have to constantly remind her to let him do it, so he can learn. I have to remind him to do things several times. He gets lost in his own little world. I have to remind my other-half that he requires just a little extra patience too. He is doing much, much better with this and even sat down with Drake and built with Lego's even though he needed to be somewhere. He did this because Drake asked him too. That is the key with Drake, he rarely asks for attention and when he does, you just have to stop and give it to him.

I remember when Drake was small and very frustrated with his inability to decipher the world. He would get very upset and I would pull him onto my lap and tell him, "Mommy loves Drakee, Daddy loves Drakee, Adree loves Drakee, Sethee loves Drakee, Grandma loves Drakee, Grandpa loves Drakee, everyone loves Drakee." Drake is sooo very, Drake. I love Drake.

Autism Awareness Month

A. Rogers 2012

April in Autism Awareness month and I wanted to update everyone on Drake. :)

"Autism to me, says that I accept my child wholly. I celebrate his differences and his quirky-ness. I advocate diversity. I am proud of his successes, no matter how small they may be. I hope he holds onto the compassion he has in his heart into adulthood. I don't think he needs "fixing". I am proud that he is my son, and sometimes I am humbled by that very same thought. "

Acceptance is all I ask for my aspie. ♥ He is phenomenal and constantly astounds me with his view of the world. ♥

J. Lamb 2013

What a great kid I have! I mean it, this kid makes me a better person and I don't know how I got so lucky to be his Mom.

Drake will be 14 at the end of the month (if you can believe it) and is continuing to grow leaps and bounds as a person. I don't just mean in stature because sheesh, he is as big as I am and wears a men's size 8 shoe! He is growing in a ability as well.

Drake is finishing up 8th grade and is taking an honors Math class, Science, Language Arts, P.E., plays violin in Orchestra, History, Wood shop, and breezed through his keyboarding class (that Mom made him retake and improve on because you still can't read his handwriting and he has to be able to communicate somehow, right?). Drake has also taken a Study Skills class all year taught by a teacher who teaches Special Ed., as well as, regular classes. His teacher is super patient with him and helps make sure he stays caught up in all of his classes (this is one area we struggle with) and from what I've been told, he really doesn't utilize his class time much. Drake is all signed up for Honors Math and Science next year, German, Orchestra, Seminary (religion study) and Mom can't believe she'll have a 9th grader! Wow!

Drake hates taking pictures (unless it was his idea) and is content to scowl during most of them. We were at McDonald's with my parents a couple of months ago and Drake wanted an ice cream cone. I don't believe in babying him and pulled out some money and put it in his hand and sent him to stand in line. My mom questioned his ability to do do it himself and I assured her that he was perfectly capable of getting an ice cream cone and he returned a few minutes later with my change. Honestly, I don't question Drake's ability to do anything, I question people's reaction to him more than anything.  Drake walks 1 1/2 miles home from school on days that I am unable to go and get him. Drake can do his chores without help including, emptying the dishwasher, taking out the trash throughout the house, washing place-mats, and putting away his laundry.

Drake is still very loud when he is excited and the phrase, "Drake, too loud" is said many times a day. Drake hates writing essays for Language Arts and can't grasp the concept of varying the length of sentences to improve flow for nothing. Actually, I read his writing and it reads like he talks, analytical  and straight to the point.

Drake still struggles with understanding human behavior (and pets too). We have a little chihuahua who loves everyone and spins at our feet when we return home. Drake questions him, "Why are you spinning?" "It's because he's excited to see you and wants to be pet", I'll explain and Drake either ignores him or reluctantly kneels down and pets him for a second. We recently visited my sister who just had a baby and Drake spent the majority of the visit shouting, "Why can't I hold the infant? I promise not to drop it." Next time Drake, next time. :P

Some of the randomness makes us laugh and how anyone can be so quick witted and random at the same time is amazing to me. His Math teacher asked specifically "what was up" with Drake and after telling him, I learned he is the class clown and can be a bit disruptive. I asked Drake to tone it down a bit and try not to annoy Mr. Clark as much. I talked to Drake about it later and he told me that he only annoys Mr. Clark once a day now. Ha ha! Drake's orchestra teacher also claims that Drake has the girls that sit by him in stitches most days. We had this conversation yesterday: 

Drake: How are you today?
Mom: I'm fine, are you fine?
Drake: I don't know, why don't you ask my conscience?
Mom: Drake's conscience, is Drake fine?
Drake: My conscience doesn't know, he's terrible at his job.

Drake my boy, you are just fine and Mom (and the rest of the family) are sooo lucky to have you!

A shift in view

J. Lamb 2012

Drake continues to amaze me daily. Despite his struggles to understand people and what is appropriate behavior for each social situation, he remains one of the happiest people I know. Never mind that his best friend is his little brother (little brothers are most helpful when you are pretending to have 4 arms!). Even though he doesn't hang around with kids outside of school, I know he is improving. Just yesterday I was at the Middle School with him and someone walked by saying "hi Drake!" and he turned around and waved! He actually waved!! It makes me think that all the conversations we've had over the years are working somehow. :)
As is common among Aspies, Drake tends to be very rigid in his thoughts and ideas about the world. He is a man of science and tends to be very analytical in his thought processes. It is hard to sway him to new ways of thinking. Along with his fairly anti-social tendencies, I have a hard time convincing him to try something new.  I also have a hard time convincing that other things might be right, even if you can't analyze them, or see them, or explain them through science. Take the subject of faith for example, how do you explain to someone who doesn't understand that you can just feel things and know they are true? Exactly, it would be so very hard to do so. 
I don't believe in pushing my views onto my children. I want them to grow up being able to think and do for themselves. I am here as a parent to be their guide and this is what I try to do with Drake as well. I wanted him to be able to make his own decision. I have gotten a lot of crap from people on all levels in regards to Drake, like he somehow is unable to decide for himself, like having Asperger's Syndrome should make it so I have to make his decisions for him. I'm telling you now that this is not the case. Period. Drake has been able to prove to me and all the naysayers that he has the ability to do anything and make the decisions that are right for him and me as his mom, could not be any prouder. :)

Drake, just all very Drake

J. Lamb 2012

I sit here writing on the last day of school and this young man has now graduated from the 7th grade and moves on to middle school, wow! Drake at 13 stands just a few inches shorter than I am, wears the same size in shoes I do, and no longer looks like a little boy anymore (sniff). So amazing to think he started out like this:

Wasn't he cute?

Drake brought me his report card yesterday and to my amazement, it had all A's on it!? He even improved his grade in his language arts class. Yep, you're looking at one proud mama! Drake's school was posting a 7th grade graduation party last night and I asked Drake earlier in the day if he intended on going and he told me, "Hmmm...I don't think so..." I wasn't really surprised, but took a chance and asked him again when he got home from school. "Perhaps I should go and be a little more social..." and went he did! He even let a bunch of people sign his yearbook. Of course, he took his Lego's with him to show off as well. What a funny kid!

Drake still shouts random things all day...

"I'm not dead yet!" To which his sister replies, "And you won't be till the day you die!" It was really funny he said this to the dentist the other day, who intern started quoting Monty Python to him. Smart guy that dentist! ;) That is probably Drake's favorite movie, well that and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...eh, go figure.

"What year is this?" I have never figured out the exact source for this...I just find myself repeating 2012 a zillion times a day.

Drake also has many interesting subjects of discussion such as, "A knife is not a weapon." "Unless it is used as a weapon", his sister interjects.
"A firearm launches projectiles, such as a pistol, a shotgun, a bazooka, or a bow, which launches arrows." Yes, very true...very random, but true nonetheless. Of course, this is all very Drake. ;)

Maturing

J. Lamb 2011

I haven't documented what's going on with my boy lately, not for lack of progress mind you, he continues to amaze me. At almost 13, Drake is becoming the teenager he almost is in physical stature and has been taking the task quite seriously! I have a rule at my house, you cannot have lunch on the weekends until you get yourself dressed for the day. Drake has been known for foregoing the meal as long as possible, just so he doesn't have to get out of bed. This would probably frustrate most parents, but I love that he exerting his freedom of choice and is just acting like a kid.

The seventh grade has brought about it's own challenges. Drake continues to love the violin and plays in the advanced orchestra and has improved in technique tenfold. He is taking pre-algebra and getting A's and B's in all his classes, except Language Arts in which he maintains a C. He is so quick to learn and master concepts in all subjects, his downfall is turning all assignments in. *Sigh* Drake's younger sister is attending the same school as him this year and where I love that she is there to keep track of him, I worry that she holds him back in someways. Nevertheless, I was pleased when I visited with his speech pathologist (Drake has a lateral lisp) and she noted that he is trying very hard to correct his speech and seems to be interacting with  his peers better too. I also got a call from Drake's Language Arts teacher a couple of weeks ago, in which she confessed that she had taken away Drake's Lego's (which he is not supposed to have in class, by the way) and he had been very upset about it for the entire class remaining. She felt awful and I assured her that he would be okay (outbursts still occur, but are few and far between anymore) and we discussed the no Lego rule again and why.

We've had many, many discussions about behavior in public and interacting with others:

"Drake, it's nice to smile at people when they talk to you, it lets them know you are friendly."

"If you don't want to say hi to someone when they say hi to you, at least smile and wave, so they know you saw and heard them."

"Please don't shout at people when you are talking to them."

"Please don't run naked to bathroom when you are getting into the shower, you are just too big to not be covered up anymore."

That last one was a little embarrassing! Let's just say, we seem to have curbed that behavior. Yikes!

I'm not saying that everything is perfect, we definitely have some work to do still. Drake asked his grandma loudly why she always has to bring cookies when she visits, on Christmas. Good thing grandma is pretty used to it! I made sure to apologize for him and noted that it was Christmas and was sure he was overstimulated.
 Our little dog passed away a couple of weeks ago and as we were discussing it with Drake and his sister and Drake commented, that "at least we don't have to feed him anymore." We had a conversation about appropriate comments in certain situations at that point. Um, yeah. I actually think I said, "Yeah Drake, that's not helpful...."
The funniest thing has to be my dad though. You see, my grandpa has been in poor health (he has improved now) and my dad said to me, "You know that as soon as we are born, we start dying...." I chuckled and told him that he sounded just like Drake! I have heard that statement from him many times...come to find out, so had my dad.

You never have to guess where you stand with my boy, Drake. ;0)

Progress

J. Lamb 2011

It seems we're making progress in the constant social struggle. Never mind that it may seem minuscule in size for your average 12 year old boy, but Drake is anything but average!

Drake, although everyone seems to know him, does not know how to interact with kids his age. I pick him up from school and he has several kids smile and wave and call him by name. Drake generally greets them with a scowl as Mom encourages to at least smile and wave, even if he doesn't want to talk to them. "Do I have to?" is a constant question with him. I don't believe in making him do things he'd rather not, but I do encourage him to try. "How are people supposed to know you are friendly, if you don't smile at them?" I query in return. A stiff wave is returned and Mom says "hi" for him. *Sigh*

A recent trip to the pediatrician was maybe a bit eye-opening on Mom's part. Even though I know he enjoys being alone and I haven't really made a conscious effort to make sure he interacts with kids his age, Drake got teary when the pediatrician asked if he didn't mind not having any friends. He insisted that he like to be alone, but Mom has learned to read reactions (as off-kilter as they can be) and knew that this maybe bothered him a bit more than he let on.

A couple of days ago, Drake and his brother were riding their bikes together out front and I could see our neighbor's sons out on their carport filling an ice chest with water balloons. After about twenty minutes Drake came in and announced with wide eyes that his brother was filling water balloons with the neighbor boys. "Mom!".... he whined...and I took the opportunity to ask why he hadn't joined them. His little head cocked to the side, as though the thought hadn't occurred to him. "We can?", he asked warily. I assured him it was okay and encouraged him to join in. He did! Both boys returned 10 minutes later announcing they were going to join a water fight and went to change into swim trunks and requested their water guns and a bucket full of water. I obliged. ;0) I was impressed, Drake stayed out there as long as his brother did and I actually had to drag both of them in for dinner! My neighbor's older son is older than Drake, but his brother is my younger son's age and I was really impressed at his patience with Drake. He shot Drake with the water gun and Drake yelped in protest (typical Drake) and he insisted to Drake that it didn't hurt and he didn't need to yell about it. Exactly what Mom would have done! ;0)

Yesterday my family and I went to the park with my coworkers to celebrate a couple of birthdays and to join a rowdy game of kickball. We all went, including Drake. Drake didn't want to join really, but I have explained Drake to all of my coworkers now and knew it would be all right. I encouraged him to try and I was so impressed at how well he kicked the ball, ran to the bases, and even teased several people as he manned first and third base! "What a good job you did Drake!", I gushed as we left. "Sometimes it's fun to participate, huh?", I added. Drake smiled his sideways smile and wrinkled his eyes as he grinned, "Sometimes..."
Sometimes, indeed. ;0)

#12

Drake trying to run from the camera very early this morning!

How can it be that 12 years ago you came into the world? When I close my eyes I see you with your chubby cheeks and huge grin as a baby and I think about the day you were born. Just a week before I had been to the doctor and discovered that you had decided to spin around and become "breech"!
Not content to enter the world in the conventional way, I had begun having contractions the night before. Your Dad and I took Auntie Cara out to dinner at he Hard Rock Cafe in Vegas (she had just returned from a trip to Washington) and since we lived in Vegas, we were the designated airport goers!
Your Dad even almost didn't make it home for your arrival. You see on April 20th an awful thing happened in Colorado at a place called Columbine. It was a tragedy of epic proportions and an event that has forever changed the way people think. Your Dad worked for a company in Vegas that hired out news crews to the western half of the country and he was sent with a crew for a news program called "Inside Edition". He spent the next 6 days following around a reporter and feeling awful for digging around the personal lives of the victims. He had a nagging feeling that you were going to come soon so, he called his boss and insisted he be sent home. His boss agreed.
The day you arrived I drove to G'ma and G'pa Nelson's with Auntie Cara. I was having contractions still. They weren't painful at all, just annoying and she and I ate at Subway before she continued home to Arizona. I hadn't slept well that night and I laid down for a nap. I slept for three hours and woke up still having contractions. G'ma had come home from work by this point and your Dad called and insisted they take me to the hospital to be checked out and he started to drive in from Vegas.
We went to the hospital and found out that I was 6 cm and you were coming whether you were coming the right way or not! They immediately got ready for a c-section and G'ma Nelson came with me to hold my hand. At 8:48 pm you were born 3 and a half weeks early and still weighing in at 7lbs 1oz! A mass of dark hair on your head. Dad made it there right after you were born, but G'ma Nelson and Aunt Shaunah got to hold you first. ;0)
This day describes Drake so very well! Determined to do things his own way and eager to learn and grow, almost like he couldn't wait to get started! He makes me a better person by just being my son. I have learned to be patient, to be firm, to love unconditionally even when he can't always reflect it back. He wakes up happy to learn everyday with a smile and a sunny greeting to the world. I'm so happy to have you, my boy Drake. ;0)

Super smart!

I just got Drake's report card last week There is no doubt in my mind this kid is smart, of course not that there ever was! Every single grade an A except one and that one's a B+. I know why maybe it took a little longer for us to recognize that maybe Drake wasn't like other kids. You can't tell by looking at him. You can't tell by his report card. Try having a normal conversation with him though and you'll know...something is up.
When Drake was very small, he loved to learn. He only liked educational toys and would count things over and over again. Even when his cousins gave him a box of toy cars, he amused himself by lining them up in long lines across the room. You couldn't move them though or he'd have a meltdown! He'd have a meltdown if we did something else out of order or not in his routine as well. We lived in an apartment with 15 stairs and he would have to walk up each one and count it. 1....2....3... You couldn't skip any, you couldn't scoop him up to go faster either without him screaming!
Drake is my first child and now that I know what I do about Drake, I should have picked up on the clues. Drake couldn't open doors, in fact his 1 year old sister learned to do it first just before he turned three! He didn't look at my face when I talked to him, even as a baby. I had to teach him to "look" at me when I needed him to really listen. He still tilts his head back and opens his eyes as wide as he can when I ask him to pay attention. It's pretty funny actually. Drake had a babysitter who insisted that he was autistic (she had an autistic brother) and I remember thinking, "no way!" Little did I know...
Drake's all time favorite toy as a toddler was an electronic book called "The Learning Book" by V-tech. I can still hear it when I think of him waking his Dad and I up in the mornings..."Welcome to the Learning Book! Do-do-do...Select an activity!..." It's funny, he never said anything...just opened his book. His book taught the alphabet and had simple reading games and he would insist that I show him how each game worked over and over and over again. He was reading things in the grocery store to me by age four and I know why!
For Christmas just before he turned four, Drake got a talking calculator. It was made for a child and would tell you every number as you pushed it and the totals of your sums. Drake was in heaven! He loved to count things and this way he could what the numbers looked like that he was counting. "1...2...3...reset!" Drake loves math so much, that he takes an advanced math class this year and LOVES it! He still has the talking calculator too, although he prefers to use a regular one these days.
Drake my boy, you are super smart! The world is yours if you want it and I intend to do all I can to ensure you can take it!

Incommunicado

Christmas break ended yesterday and I picked Drake up from school (he normally walks, but it's been so rainy/snowy wet that the vacant lot he trudges through was soupy and it would have been more of a hassle to clean him up when he got home then it was worth). He presented me with his midterm report card warning me first, "Mom I got all A's in my classes, except Social Studies and in it I got an A-". I asked him about his day if it was good and all and he nodded, grinning. I thought about it and proclaimed, "I'm sure you had a good day because you like school and you're one of those sick people that would be perfectly happy to go to school everyday, huh?" Drake grinned and nodded.
Despite Drake's obvious struggles, he remains happy and willing to continue on even when something is difficult. Breaks from school can be tough on him though, he crawls into his own little world of Lego's and Pokemon battles and hardcore Super Mario action and when we have to do something else, it's hard. I took him and his siblings someplace where they needed to be dressed up and I insisted he wear a tie, he spent the evening scowling and refusing to speak to anyone. We went to dinner and I couldn't get him to talk to the waitress or even answer her. It's times like these that Drake having Asperger's is really obvious.
Drake has a communications deficiency somewhere, most likely from Asperger's, but it affects his ability to write clearly. If he takes a lot of time, his handwriting is partially legible. Normally though, it looks like the work of a Kindergartner all running different directions, scrawled and misshapen letters. All of his teachers have confessed they can't read it, except his Math teacher of course. Math is by far his favorite subject and he even takes an AP Math class, which he loves! I know what your thinking, does he take regular classes or special ed.? Drake goes to a regular Intermediate school and takes regular classes with all the other kids his age. He is extremely intelligent and has an efficient and long running memory. He remembers everything from the time he was 2 or so and absorbs information like a sponge. Now does that mean he remembers where his things are at all times? No. Like any typical kid he misplaces coats, shoes, toys, and whatnot frequently. We've curbed a good part of it though, he places things in the exact same place every time he is finished with them and that helps a lot.
Part of helping Drake communicate a little better is encouraging him to use the computer. Drake even has his own Facebook page and even though he claims to have no friends, he usually has someone to sit and instant message with. He chats with his cousin who lives on the other end of the state, he chats with his favorite aunt, he chats with his Dad who lives overseas. I'm trying to encourage him to get better at typing, this way he can communicate a little more efficiently. Because in all honesty, the ability to communicate is key in life.

In a world of black and white

I've often heard people with Asperger's described as seeing the world in black and white. When I say black and white I don't necessarily mean color-wise, it's more of a right or wrong, like or dislike, yes or no description. I've been thinking about whether this accurately describes Drake's view of the world as well. I think the answer might be yes.
For example:
Drake is loud. He's loud when he talks, he's loud as he lopes through the hall, he turns his D.S. up quite loud as well. I mention to Drake that he needs to talk quieter and he whispers, I ask him to walk quieter and he tiptoes, I ask him to turn down his game and he silences it. It doesn't matter if I tell him he doesn't need to whisper, or tiptoe, or turn his game all the way down, that is his automatic response.

As most people with Asperger's, Drake has limited interests and can become quite obsessed with his passion of choice. He loves anything Lego, Pokemon, or Mario/Nintendo related, it's very hard to get him interested in much of anything else. He'll only read comic strip type books (like Diary of a Wimpy Kid or Capt'n Underpants) or Pokemon guide books. Drake is at an age where he needs to be aware that there are so many other great and exciting things out there and learning about them too is where you gain knowledge. His teacher won't let him bring comic strip books for his Silent Sustained Reading and I'm trying to encourage him to read some classics instead. I sent my copy of "Around the World in 80 Days" with him today and we will be taking a trip to the city library with all of them soon. I'm not saying that Drake wouldn't be perfectly happy to read science books or whatnot instead and that's fine too, I just would like to encourage him to read other things as well. It's hard to become a well-rounded individual without being exposed to many different things.

I've also noticed that his opinions tend to be "all or nothing" in character as well. He classifies things without any shades of gray. Things are either believable or not in his opinion and that has been very hard to convince him otherwise. This makes for some interesting discussions on religion as well. I was trying to explain the reason for Christmas about it being a celebration of the birth of Christ and all I got from Drake was, "That is if you believe in that religion, I think the meaning of Christmas is the spirit of giving." He's right of course in a way and honestly I wasn't expressing any views on religion at all, I was just explaining the reason the holiday was celebrated in the first place. I was too tired to try to explain further and will have to approach that subject again later.

Think about it this way though, wouldn't it be easier if the world was black and white? Things wouldn't get complicated and messy they would be just wrong or right. Judgments would easy to make, lessons would be easy to learn. You do this and you die you don't and you live, not this might kill you or not, that might save you or not as well. See what I mean? A simplistic view of the world can be helpful in someways, but since the world is colored in shades of gray I'm afraid it could be more if a hindrance for Drake.

A gold star

Drake's school had their annual parent/teacher conferences this week and being the good parent I am, I willingly smashed attending them in between acting as Mom taxi, taking his sister to rehearsals, going to a job interview, and carting them all to a Halloween party. Phew!

With Drake, my man and I have been diligent with staying right on top of his education, ensuring he has every opportunity to succeed and thrive. Drake attends an intermediate school with all the other kids his age and neighborhood proximity, no special programs, but well monitored through his guidance counselor and well informed teachers. I don't consider Drake to be disadvantaged in any way, the label of Asperger's only explains his behavior to others. Drake is extremely intelligent and absorbs knowledge like a sponge and even takes an advanced Math class. Considering all of this, we make sure we are abreast of the expectations he is held accountable for and correct what needs to be corrected.

We were pleasantly surprised to hear that none of his teachers had any issues with his behavior and all of them raved about what a good kid he is. "Thank you for sharing him with me!", was the comment from his Social Studies teacher, which was great to hear. Drake has fairly limited focus when he has to sit for long periods and we think the fact that his classes only last 50 minutes each makes a huge difference. It's hard to get bored if you only have to think about one thing for 50 minutes and then you get to get up and move and start on a new subject. All of his teachers remarked on his improved organization (hallelujah!) and all of them, except his Math teacher, noted that they couldn't read his handwriting (not surprising).

Teaching Drake to be a little bit more responsible for himself seems to be translating into his performance at school as well. Drake walks himself home from school, makes his own snack, completes his homework on his own, practices his violin without prompting, and is expected to clean up after himself always. On his report cards there were very few missing assignments, so we know he is turning them in on his own as well. A gold star for you My Boy!

Invisible

As many children with Asperger's, Drake has a hard time making friends. He is most comfortable at home engrossed with his Lego kingdom or Pokemon battles or whatever Mario-game is obsessed with at the moment. Last year his teacher assigned a paper for the kids to write on their best friends and Drake wrote the paper on his younger brother, who is generally willing to follow along with whatever made up game Drake has concocted. I know, how sad. His step-Dad and I discovered something sadder last night though, while we discussed what we needed to do with him in the afternoons since I need to go back to work.
Drake has mentioned the existence of an imaginary friend over the last few years, his name is Invisible. He would mention Invisible as a companion as he was playing by himself in his room, talking away to someone that seemed to be there. "That's what I told Invisible", he would say as I would mention a task that he needed completing. "Invisible it's not nice to beat up Ugly (his bear)!", I'd hear as well. I know it's bad that he doesn't really have any "real" friends besides his brother, but I figured if he had an imaginary friend at least there was someone he was talking to, right?
As I mentioned, I need to go back to work after being unemployed for 6 months. While I can send Drake's younger siblings to daycare for a couple of hours after school, Drake has gotten to old to go anymore and I am concerned about him spending more than a couple of hours by himself. I mentioned my concerns to his step-Dad and that I really didn't want him being by himself after school for so long. Drake is perfectly fine by himself after school, walking home, getting a snack, doing his homework, he just crawls into his little world if not given any social interaction and it is difficult to get him to come back to reality with the rest of us. He has done so well this school  year, showing some independence being a little more responsible and I told his step-Dad that I didn't want him to backslide at all with me not being home anymore.
"I mean, he's doing so well...", I lamented, "I just don't want him NOT doing so well with me going back to work." His step-Dad assured me that he'd work out his schedule and make sure he's not by himself forever. "He is doing very well and we get along and he'll be fine", his step-Dad soothed. I wasn't convinced that he fully understood what I felt about the situation and blustered,
"Did you know that his imaginary friend isn't even his friend anymore?"
"I know, I heard about that..."
"and he still exists, he just isn't his friend anymore..."
"I know..."
"I mean, how sad that his imaginary friend isn't even his friend anymore?!"
"Yeah...", he admitted while shaking his head.
"and Invisible is now stuck to the ceiling!" I retorted laughing.
Folks, I'm not sure why Invisible is stuck to the ceiling your guess is as good as mine! Anytime I hear Invisible mentioned anymore, I hear that he is not Drake's friend and that he is stuck to the ceiling. Apparently, his step-Dad is aware of this as well and we laughed at the impossibility of the situation. I hope Drake will truly be okay, for I really worry about this, and that he won't be ditched by anymore imaginary friends...um, that ultimately get stuck to the ceiling...yeah. ;0)

A walk in the rain

My little boy Drake, is the most unique character I know. Drake was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome a couple of years ago and while yes, this provides for many challenges, it also provides a unique view on life. I want to share some of the lighter side to having a child with Asperger's, maybe if you have challenges like his in your family, you'll be able to see. See that life is hard sometimes, but it doesn't have to always be. Enjoy! Jessica

Drake walks to school most mornings with his step-Dad, it's not quite a mile away. He seems to enjoy the independence and his step-Dad gets some exercise as well. While I normally would have driven to pick him up in the afternoons, the last few weeks he has insisted upon walking home too. I love that he is showing some signs of wanting to be more independent and I can use a little exercise as well! Mom straps on her walking shoes and speed walks to meet him about a block away from the school. Today was a little different though.
We have had rain on and off her for the last couple of days and I wanted to take advantage of the cooler temps and decided to risk getting a little wet for my exercise. It sprinkled on and off while I walked toward the school and I enjoyed the silence of our suburban neighborhood as the rain muffled any sounds you might otherwise hear. I made it to the corner where I meet Drake as it decided to start raining a little more. Drake trudged down the street towards me slower than usual (he walks with a strange gait kind of on the balls of his feet and rolls along his insteps, not unusual for Asperger's), the rain slowing him down. I walked up the street and greeted him, suggesting we walk a little faster as to not get completely soaked. (It's the southwest, umbrellas are for sissys) "Why?", he asked in typical Drake fashion. "As to not get absolutely drenched...", I replied grabbing his hand, after he handed me his backpack. I swung it up on my back and led the way, head down to semi-protect my glasses.
What 11 year old boy do you know that would be perfectly happy to be led down the street by the hand, by his Mom no less? You're right, I don't know any either, but then again, not every 11 year old boy is Drake. We trudged through the rain with Mom and son hand in hand, Drake chattering loudly behind about the movie "Chicken Little" (one of his faves) and quoting the lines. He then started asking impossible questions about people being able to "fall up" (instead of falling down) or things to get "blown down" (instead of blowing up), thus is the chatter of everyday. "Drake, how was your day?", Mom might ask. "What if your head blew up?", would be a pretty typical response from Drake. I don't know how much he gets picked on, I don't know how he interacts with kids at school, but if he's still happy and singing random songs at the end of the day...then I guess we're still good!
We walked through the rain and made it home before it REALLY started to pour. The clap of thunder cracked outside and the sky opened up anew. Drake sat quietly on his floor finishing his favorite subject of homework (that would be Math of course) oblivious to the commotion outside. When I asked him if wanted to accompany me to fetch his siblings about an hour later, he declined, content to dig through his bucket of Lego's. "You're not scared of the thunder?", I asked making sure he would be fine. "Of course not!", he called over his shoulder concentrating on his Lego project. I shook my head knowing he would, of course he would. That's my boy, Drake.