Drake, Drake the Great!

I love Drake. Drake, despite all the things that are hard for him and the parts of the world that he doesn't understand, is a happy, unique, and wonderful human being. I never view him as a "problem" or "difficult" or even as a "challenge" and that is simply because of him. I am a better person because I was given Drake. I am infinitely more patient as a parent, I rarely yell or get frustrated, and I am his biggest advocate. I love Drake and thank God for entrusting him to me, to be his mother, his advocate, his lifelong friend.

I recently had the opportunity to spend some time in my hometown helping with an open house for a wedding and spent quite a bit of time talking to some people I know very well from my childhood. I explained that Drake has asperger's syndrome and how proud I was of him. They concluded that he was a difficult or trying and relayed a story about a grandchild (whose parents I grew up with) who they thought had aspergers at one time and was difficult. I have a great deal of respect for these people and didn't feel offended by their comments at all, but it did make me think. I don't view Drake as a challenge, he is simply Drake. It is who he is. He is extremely intelligent, but even though at 14 (and standing as tall as I am! Yikes!) he carries his bears around with him and wears chinchilla ears to school (and everywhere else) and challenges us with math problems and science questions, and quotes from every single movie or tv show he has every seen. He rarely answers questions directly and has to be reminded to move out of the way for people trying to get past. He has several ticks including hand shaking and pacing. I have to tell teachers and administrators that he isn't being disruptive on purpose. I have to ask specific questions if I want any answer at all and spend a great deal of time deciphering his needs and exactly what questions I need to ask.

In our world, there is not a thing wrong with Drake and that is the way it should be. I guess if you view your child as problematic and have a hard time dealing with them, then maybe it is you who needs to adjust your view. I can't yell, Drake would be crushed (and is every time I slip up). I have to explain what needs to be done and exactly how to do it when it comes to chores or small errands I have Drake do. He gets frustrated enough with his own inability and his sister who tends to take over. "I wanna do it!!", he'll yell and I have to intervene. She is just a year behind him and has gotten so used to "helping" that I have to constantly remind her to let him do it, so he can learn. I have to remind him to do things several times. He gets lost in his own little world. I have to remind my other-half that he requires just a little extra patience too. He is doing much, much better with this and even sat down with Drake and built with Lego's even though he needed to be somewhere. He did this because Drake asked him too. That is the key with Drake, he rarely asks for attention and when he does, you just have to stop and give it to him.

I remember when Drake was small and very frustrated with his inability to decipher the world. He would get very upset and I would pull him onto my lap and tell him, "Mommy loves Drakee, Daddy loves Drakee, Adree loves Drakee, Sethee loves Drakee, Grandma loves Drakee, Grandpa loves Drakee, everyone loves Drakee." Drake is sooo very, Drake. I love Drake.

Autism Awareness Month

A. Rogers 2012

April in Autism Awareness month and I wanted to update everyone on Drake. :)

"Autism to me, says that I accept my child wholly. I celebrate his differences and his quirky-ness. I advocate diversity. I am proud of his successes, no matter how small they may be. I hope he holds onto the compassion he has in his heart into adulthood. I don't think he needs "fixing". I am proud that he is my son, and sometimes I am humbled by that very same thought. "

Acceptance is all I ask for my aspie. ♥ He is phenomenal and constantly astounds me with his view of the world. ♥

J. Lamb 2013

What a great kid I have! I mean it, this kid makes me a better person and I don't know how I got so lucky to be his Mom.

Drake will be 14 at the end of the month (if you can believe it) and is continuing to grow leaps and bounds as a person. I don't just mean in stature because sheesh, he is as big as I am and wears a men's size 8 shoe! He is growing in a ability as well.

Drake is finishing up 8th grade and is taking an honors Math class, Science, Language Arts, P.E., plays violin in Orchestra, History, Wood shop, and breezed through his keyboarding class (that Mom made him retake and improve on because you still can't read his handwriting and he has to be able to communicate somehow, right?). Drake has also taken a Study Skills class all year taught by a teacher who teaches Special Ed., as well as, regular classes. His teacher is super patient with him and helps make sure he stays caught up in all of his classes (this is one area we struggle with) and from what I've been told, he really doesn't utilize his class time much. Drake is all signed up for Honors Math and Science next year, German, Orchestra, Seminary (religion study) and Mom can't believe she'll have a 9th grader! Wow!

Drake hates taking pictures (unless it was his idea) and is content to scowl during most of them. We were at McDonald's with my parents a couple of months ago and Drake wanted an ice cream cone. I don't believe in babying him and pulled out some money and put it in his hand and sent him to stand in line. My mom questioned his ability to do do it himself and I assured her that he was perfectly capable of getting an ice cream cone and he returned a few minutes later with my change. Honestly, I don't question Drake's ability to do anything, I question people's reaction to him more than anything.  Drake walks 1 1/2 miles home from school on days that I am unable to go and get him. Drake can do his chores without help including, emptying the dishwasher, taking out the trash throughout the house, washing place-mats, and putting away his laundry.

Drake is still very loud when he is excited and the phrase, "Drake, too loud" is said many times a day. Drake hates writing essays for Language Arts and can't grasp the concept of varying the length of sentences to improve flow for nothing. Actually, I read his writing and it reads like he talks, analytical  and straight to the point.

Drake still struggles with understanding human behavior (and pets too). We have a little chihuahua who loves everyone and spins at our feet when we return home. Drake questions him, "Why are you spinning?" "It's because he's excited to see you and wants to be pet", I'll explain and Drake either ignores him or reluctantly kneels down and pets him for a second. We recently visited my sister who just had a baby and Drake spent the majority of the visit shouting, "Why can't I hold the infant? I promise not to drop it." Next time Drake, next time. :P

Some of the randomness makes us laugh and how anyone can be so quick witted and random at the same time is amazing to me. His Math teacher asked specifically "what was up" with Drake and after telling him, I learned he is the class clown and can be a bit disruptive. I asked Drake to tone it down a bit and try not to annoy Mr. Clark as much. I talked to Drake about it later and he told me that he only annoys Mr. Clark once a day now. Ha ha! Drake's orchestra teacher also claims that Drake has the girls that sit by him in stitches most days. We had this conversation yesterday: 

Drake: How are you today?
Mom: I'm fine, are you fine?
Drake: I don't know, why don't you ask my conscience?
Mom: Drake's conscience, is Drake fine?
Drake: My conscience doesn't know, he's terrible at his job.

Drake my boy, you are just fine and Mom (and the rest of the family) are sooo lucky to have you!

A shift in view

J. Lamb 2012

Drake continues to amaze me daily. Despite his struggles to understand people and what is appropriate behavior for each social situation, he remains one of the happiest people I know. Never mind that his best friend is his little brother (little brothers are most helpful when you are pretending to have 4 arms!). Even though he doesn't hang around with kids outside of school, I know he is improving. Just yesterday I was at the Middle School with him and someone walked by saying "hi Drake!" and he turned around and waved! He actually waved!! It makes me think that all the conversations we've had over the years are working somehow. :)
As is common among Aspies, Drake tends to be very rigid in his thoughts and ideas about the world. He is a man of science and tends to be very analytical in his thought processes. It is hard to sway him to new ways of thinking. Along with his fairly anti-social tendencies, I have a hard time convincing him to try something new.  I also have a hard time convincing that other things might be right, even if you can't analyze them, or see them, or explain them through science. Take the subject of faith for example, how do you explain to someone who doesn't understand that you can just feel things and know they are true? Exactly, it would be so very hard to do so. 
I don't believe in pushing my views onto my children. I want them to grow up being able to think and do for themselves. I am here as a parent to be their guide and this is what I try to do with Drake as well. I wanted him to be able to make his own decision. I have gotten a lot of crap from people on all levels in regards to Drake, like he somehow is unable to decide for himself, like having Asperger's Syndrome should make it so I have to make his decisions for him. I'm telling you now that this is not the case. Period. Drake has been able to prove to me and all the naysayers that he has the ability to do anything and make the decisions that are right for him and me as his mom, could not be any prouder. :)

Drake, just all very Drake

J. Lamb 2012

I sit here writing on the last day of school and this young man has now graduated from the 7th grade and moves on to middle school, wow! Drake at 13 stands just a few inches shorter than I am, wears the same size in shoes I do, and no longer looks like a little boy anymore (sniff). So amazing to think he started out like this:

Wasn't he cute?

Drake brought me his report card yesterday and to my amazement, it had all A's on it!? He even improved his grade in his language arts class. Yep, you're looking at one proud mama! Drake's school was posting a 7th grade graduation party last night and I asked Drake earlier in the day if he intended on going and he told me, "Hmmm...I don't think so..." I wasn't really surprised, but took a chance and asked him again when he got home from school. "Perhaps I should go and be a little more social..." and went he did! He even let a bunch of people sign his yearbook. Of course, he took his Lego's with him to show off as well. What a funny kid!

Drake still shouts random things all day...

"I'm not dead yet!" To which his sister replies, "And you won't be till the day you die!" It was really funny he said this to the dentist the other day, who intern started quoting Monty Python to him. Smart guy that dentist! ;) That is probably Drake's favorite movie, well that and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...eh, go figure.

"What year is this?" I have never figured out the exact source for this...I just find myself repeating 2012 a zillion times a day.

Drake also has many interesting subjects of discussion such as, "A knife is not a weapon." "Unless it is used as a weapon", his sister interjects.
"A firearm launches projectiles, such as a pistol, a shotgun, a bazooka, or a bow, which launches arrows." Yes, very true...very random, but true nonetheless. Of course, this is all very Drake. ;)

Maturing

J. Lamb 2011

I haven't documented what's going on with my boy lately, not for lack of progress mind you, he continues to amaze me. At almost 13, Drake is becoming the teenager he almost is in physical stature and has been taking the task quite seriously! I have a rule at my house, you cannot have lunch on the weekends until you get yourself dressed for the day. Drake has been known for foregoing the meal as long as possible, just so he doesn't have to get out of bed. This would probably frustrate most parents, but I love that he exerting his freedom of choice and is just acting like a kid.

The seventh grade has brought about it's own challenges. Drake continues to love the violin and plays in the advanced orchestra and has improved in technique tenfold. He is taking pre-algebra and getting A's and B's in all his classes, except Language Arts in which he maintains a C. He is so quick to learn and master concepts in all subjects, his downfall is turning all assignments in. *Sigh* Drake's younger sister is attending the same school as him this year and where I love that she is there to keep track of him, I worry that she holds him back in someways. Nevertheless, I was pleased when I visited with his speech pathologist (Drake has a lateral lisp) and she noted that he is trying very hard to correct his speech and seems to be interacting with  his peers better too. I also got a call from Drake's Language Arts teacher a couple of weeks ago, in which she confessed that she had taken away Drake's Lego's (which he is not supposed to have in class, by the way) and he had been very upset about it for the entire class remaining. She felt awful and I assured her that he would be okay (outbursts still occur, but are few and far between anymore) and we discussed the no Lego rule again and why.

We've had many, many discussions about behavior in public and interacting with others:

"Drake, it's nice to smile at people when they talk to you, it lets them know you are friendly."

"If you don't want to say hi to someone when they say hi to you, at least smile and wave, so they know you saw and heard them."

"Please don't shout at people when you are talking to them."

"Please don't run naked to bathroom when you are getting into the shower, you are just too big to not be covered up anymore."

That last one was a little embarrassing! Let's just say, we seem to have curbed that behavior. Yikes!

I'm not saying that everything is perfect, we definitely have some work to do still. Drake asked his grandma loudly why she always has to bring cookies when she visits, on Christmas. Good thing grandma is pretty used to it! I made sure to apologize for him and noted that it was Christmas and was sure he was overstimulated.
 Our little dog passed away a couple of weeks ago and as we were discussing it with Drake and his sister and Drake commented, that "at least we don't have to feed him anymore." We had a conversation about appropriate comments in certain situations at that point. Um, yeah. I actually think I said, "Yeah Drake, that's not helpful...."
The funniest thing has to be my dad though. You see, my grandpa has been in poor health (he has improved now) and my dad said to me, "You know that as soon as we are born, we start dying...." I chuckled and told him that he sounded just like Drake! I have heard that statement from him many times...come to find out, so had my dad.

You never have to guess where you stand with my boy, Drake. ;0)

Progress

J. Lamb 2011

It seems we're making progress in the constant social struggle. Never mind that it may seem minuscule in size for your average 12 year old boy, but Drake is anything but average!

Drake, although everyone seems to know him, does not know how to interact with kids his age. I pick him up from school and he has several kids smile and wave and call him by name. Drake generally greets them with a scowl as Mom encourages to at least smile and wave, even if he doesn't want to talk to them. "Do I have to?" is a constant question with him. I don't believe in making him do things he'd rather not, but I do encourage him to try. "How are people supposed to know you are friendly, if you don't smile at them?" I query in return. A stiff wave is returned and Mom says "hi" for him. *Sigh*

A recent trip to the pediatrician was maybe a bit eye-opening on Mom's part. Even though I know he enjoys being alone and I haven't really made a conscious effort to make sure he interacts with kids his age, Drake got teary when the pediatrician asked if he didn't mind not having any friends. He insisted that he like to be alone, but Mom has learned to read reactions (as off-kilter as they can be) and knew that this maybe bothered him a bit more than he let on.

A couple of days ago, Drake and his brother were riding their bikes together out front and I could see our neighbor's sons out on their carport filling an ice chest with water balloons. After about twenty minutes Drake came in and announced with wide eyes that his brother was filling water balloons with the neighbor boys. "Mom!".... he whined...and I took the opportunity to ask why he hadn't joined them. His little head cocked to the side, as though the thought hadn't occurred to him. "We can?", he asked warily. I assured him it was okay and encouraged him to join in. He did! Both boys returned 10 minutes later announcing they were going to join a water fight and went to change into swim trunks and requested their water guns and a bucket full of water. I obliged. ;0) I was impressed, Drake stayed out there as long as his brother did and I actually had to drag both of them in for dinner! My neighbor's older son is older than Drake, but his brother is my younger son's age and I was really impressed at his patience with Drake. He shot Drake with the water gun and Drake yelped in protest (typical Drake) and he insisted to Drake that it didn't hurt and he didn't need to yell about it. Exactly what Mom would have done! ;0)

Yesterday my family and I went to the park with my coworkers to celebrate a couple of birthdays and to join a rowdy game of kickball. We all went, including Drake. Drake didn't want to join really, but I have explained Drake to all of my coworkers now and knew it would be all right. I encouraged him to try and I was so impressed at how well he kicked the ball, ran to the bases, and even teased several people as he manned first and third base! "What a good job you did Drake!", I gushed as we left. "Sometimes it's fun to participate, huh?", I added. Drake smiled his sideways smile and wrinkled his eyes as he grinned, "Sometimes..."
Sometimes, indeed. ;0)

#12

Drake trying to run from the camera very early this morning!

How can it be that 12 years ago you came into the world? When I close my eyes I see you with your chubby cheeks and huge grin as a baby and I think about the day you were born. Just a week before I had been to the doctor and discovered that you had decided to spin around and become "breech"!
Not content to enter the world in the conventional way, I had begun having contractions the night before. Your Dad and I took Auntie Cara out to dinner at he Hard Rock Cafe in Vegas (she had just returned from a trip to Washington) and since we lived in Vegas, we were the designated airport goers!
Your Dad even almost didn't make it home for your arrival. You see on April 20th an awful thing happened in Colorado at a place called Columbine. It was a tragedy of epic proportions and an event that has forever changed the way people think. Your Dad worked for a company in Vegas that hired out news crews to the western half of the country and he was sent with a crew for a news program called "Inside Edition". He spent the next 6 days following around a reporter and feeling awful for digging around the personal lives of the victims. He had a nagging feeling that you were going to come soon so, he called his boss and insisted he be sent home. His boss agreed.
The day you arrived I drove to G'ma and G'pa Nelson's with Auntie Cara. I was having contractions still. They weren't painful at all, just annoying and she and I ate at Subway before she continued home to Arizona. I hadn't slept well that night and I laid down for a nap. I slept for three hours and woke up still having contractions. G'ma had come home from work by this point and your Dad called and insisted they take me to the hospital to be checked out and he started to drive in from Vegas.
We went to the hospital and found out that I was 6 cm and you were coming whether you were coming the right way or not! They immediately got ready for a c-section and G'ma Nelson came with me to hold my hand. At 8:48 pm you were born 3 and a half weeks early and still weighing in at 7lbs 1oz! A mass of dark hair on your head. Dad made it there right after you were born, but G'ma Nelson and Aunt Shaunah got to hold you first. ;0)
This day describes Drake so very well! Determined to do things his own way and eager to learn and grow, almost like he couldn't wait to get started! He makes me a better person by just being my son. I have learned to be patient, to be firm, to love unconditionally even when he can't always reflect it back. He wakes up happy to learn everyday with a smile and a sunny greeting to the world. I'm so happy to have you, my boy Drake. ;0)